Could not have said it better myself.

Source: bit.ly via Dee on Pinterest

Mother's Day Cards

Did you previously spends hours toiling over the perfect card to send your MIL for Mother's Day? 

Fretting over the appropriate sentiment? 

Wanting to find one that aptly encapsulates your love? 

Thanks to Scary Mommy your search can officially end today. 

Absolute perfection!  

Hop over to Scary Mommy to see a few other options. And, if you are still looking for the perfect gift, might I suggest Confessions of a Scary Mommy. If you purchase the book May 7th or 8th Jill will send the recipient a hand-signed bookplate to put in the book along with special Mother’s Day wishes. As per the Scary Mommy herself: 

Just e-mail a picture of your receipt to confessionsofascarymommy@gmail.com with where to send the goodies. (Must be a US address.) And, yes, I’ll be as passive aggressive as you want me to. Try me..

Awesome!  I just love her and bet she will be a very cool MIL.

Note 5: Never express grandchild favoritism.

Everyone has favorites. A favorite book, shirt, or ice cream flavor (mine is mint chocolate chip). Some people even have favorite family members. Most, however, are savvy enough to never vocalize it for fear of hurting someone's feelings. 

My MIL, however, is curiously lacking such a sensitivity chip!

My MIL has three grandchildren: two from her son and me (a darling 3 year old princess and a 1 year old bulldozer) and one adorable 3 month old son from my sister-in-law and her husband. Instead of simply being wrapped up in the gloriousness of having such beautiful and healthy grandchildren, she blatantly picks favorites. 

To my MIL there are no greater beings on earth than my three year old and my sister-in-law's newborn. Both are showered with extravagant gifts at Christmas, Easter, and Birthdays. Sometimes they receive gifts simply because the sky is blue - truly for no reason at all.  

My sweet one year old son, however, gets next to nothing even on special days. 

For example, my daughter received gifts in excess of $200 for her birthday. We had asked them to simply donate money to charity in her name, but she was nonetheless showered with gifts. Meanwhile, my darling little boy received only a pair of stocks and a book for his first birthday! And truly, socks and a book would be just fine if it were not for the obvious extravagance bestowed upon the other grandchildren! 

When my MIL calls to "check in" she will talk to my daughter for 30-40 minutes, or ask about her ten times a conversation, but she won't even mention my son's name. When my husband or I post pictures of the kids on Facebook, she comments only on the pictures of our daughter, clicking my the pictures of our son without comment. When other family members ask my MIL about our son, she has been known to say "Oh right, I have two grandsons" even though my son is older than my nephew!

Her blatant favoritism causes a lot of pain for my husband and me, but it has recently become a problem for our daughter as well. At only three years old, even she is beginning to take note. Just yesterday she asked "Why does Grandma love me more than ***insert brother's name***?" 

Heartbreaking. 

Note to my future MIL self: Do not vocalize and blatantly show favorites when it comes to grandchildren! It will hurt you children, their spouses, and your grandchildren. Certainly there is enough love to go around!!

_________________________
Submitted by GONEBATTY.

Note 4: Do not impose a "Grandchild Timeline"

Some people, myself included, like to make a list or timeline to keep themselves organized. Who doesn't make a Christmas list, or an errand chart from time to time? Creating a "grandchild timeline", however, is never appropriate.

"Oh, but ***insert SIL name here*** was supposed to have the baby first!" 

I will never forget the first time I heard it. It was five minutes after my husband and I told my MIL that we were expecting a baby.

And it didn't end there. 

The same phrase was repeated several times throughout my first pregnancy. 

At family dinners, in front of a very uncomfortable SIL. 

At doctor appointments - 

Dr: "Are you excited to become a grandmother?"
MIL: "Well this wasn't part of my plan, MY daughter was supposed to have a baby first!". 

At my baby shower in front of my very uncomfortable friends. 

In fact, any time someone would mention the fact that I was pregnant around my MIL, you could count in her saying "Oh, but ***insert SIL name here*** was supposed to have the baby first!"

At first I made excuses for her. We had just sent out our wedding invitations. Whereas, my SIL had been married for a few years and was several years older than me. Maybe she really did just expect her daughter to have a baby before her son. 

But the more times she said it, the more anger there was behind it. She wasn't happy or excited for us, she was mad. How dare I get pregnant before her daughter? Didn't I know that there was a timeline in place!?  

Even after we had our beautiful daughter, she continued to say it. While it hurt me, irritated my husband, and made all our family and friends uncomfortable, the worst part is it killed my SIL. She not only had to revisit her several years of failed pregnancy attempts and miscarriages, she felt as though she was letting her mother down. 

That nasty comment plagued all the people my MIL apparently "loved" so much.

Four years later, with my SIL and myself adding two lovely boys to the family, my MIL still complains about her wrecked "grandchild timeline."

Note to my future MIL self: Do not impose a procreation timeline for my children. It causes stress on all my children, their spouses, and my grandchildren. Basically, I will piss off anyone who I love.

_________________________
Submitted by GONEBATTY.

Note 3: Make the effort

I'll admit  -  I've had fantasies of sneaking back to my hometown and staying with or visiting with my friends, instead of my parents, for one basic reason: my parents don't like to share me on my visits. But aside from the Catholic guilt, I will tell you the main reason I don't sneak into town without at least seeing my parents - because I know they love me and want to see me.  

I recently discovered that my mother-in-law (who lives several hours away) spent over a week "getting away" right near our city. 

Did she call? 

No. 

Did I hear about this while she was nearby? 

No. 

Instead, I learned this 2 weeks after the fact. I am annoyed mainly because she comments that she never sees my kids and misses us all so much. To learn that she had snuck into my neck of the woods for over a week, without one meal together or at the bare a minimum, a telephone call, was quite simply selfish. Did she think I would not find out that she was right around the corner? Even if she is that naive, it makes me question the balance between her selfishness and her grandmotherliness.

While I can see that being a grandmother is not always kittens and rainbows, as portrayed by Hallmark, there are things in life that we all do that we do not necessarily want to do, but end up doing and are thankful afterwards. Like attending a 20 year high school reunion. No one really wants to go. Most would rather stay home and watch TV. It takes time and effort. But once you make the effort, you end up having an unforgettable time and creating additional memories. 

The same holds true for being a grandmother. If you are selfish with your time you do not reap the rewards of seeing the amazing little people your grandchildren are morphing into while you are hiding out nearby! And truly, what grandmother doesn't want to reap that reward? 

Sadly, she should already know that her grandkids love her and want to see her. I would hope that alone would tip the scale from selfish to grandmotherly. Even if she'd rather sneak into town to see her friends.

Note to my future mother-in-law self:  Remember that making an effort to see my grandchildren, and even my daughter-in-law, can reap great rewards, especially if there is a chance that this family may end up taking care of me both financially and physically in my aging years.  

Note 2: Do not bring your own food.

I understand that some may disagree with this statement. Some must honestly think it is thoughtful and generous to arrive at my house with a bag of groceries. So I understand that this may be shocking and my future mother-in-law self may argue with me on this. But I assure you, you do not need to bring Raisin Bran or any other high fiber cereal when you are staying at my house. If your regularity truly hinges on your morning cereal {as you so lovingly explain in much too much detail}, I am happy to provide you with a complimentary box. And no, this is not wasteful because you eat the cereal when you stay here, ergo, it is not going to waste!! 

However, if you also insist on drinking 3-4 bottles of $18 / bottle wine each and every time you visit it would be greatly appreciated if you bring a bottle or two {or 3 or 4}. You see, my wine budget may or may not allow for $18 bottles of wine to flow at the rate of two per evening. Hosting meals and liquor can be an imposition on the family budget. Please be conscious of that.

The $4 box of cereal is on me. I'd much rather you foot the $80 wine bill.  

Note to my future mother-in-law self: Please allow me to provide your meals when you stay for a weekend or a week. I will even stock a few preferred items. Do, however, be considerate when consuming large quantities of alcohol that may be an imposition on the family budget.

Note 1: Never rant via email.

It is the email read 'round the world.  Carolyn Bourne may now be the most famous "monster-in-law" after penning a scathing email to her future daughter-in-law, Heidi Withers, telling her to mind her manners. After Heidi shared the email with a few friends who clearly shared it with a few friends . . . well, as you can imagine, the email has gone positively viral online and has been featured in most of England's national newspapers. 

The full email reads as follows: 

It is high time someone explained to you about good manners. Yours are obvious by their absence and I feel sorry for you. 

Unfortunately for Freddie, he has fallen in love with you and Freddie being Freddie, I gather it is not easy to reason with him or yet encourage him to consider how he might be able to help you. 

It may just be possible to get through to you though. I do hope so. 

Your behaviour on your visit to Devon during April was staggering in its uncouthness and lack of grace. 

Unfortunately, this was not the first example of bad manners I have experienced from you.
If you want to be accepted by the wider Bourne family I suggest you take some guidance from experts with utmost haste. 

There are plenty of finishing schools around. You would be an ideal candidate for the Ladette to Lady television series. 

Please, for your own good, for Freddie's sake and for your future involvement with the Bourne family, do something as soon as possible. 

Here are a few examples of your lack of manners: 

When you are a guest in another's house, you do not declare what you will and will not eat - unless you are positively allergic to something. 

You do not remark that you do not have enough food. 

You do not start before everyone else. 

You do not take additional helpings without being invited to by your host. 

When a guest in another's house, you do not lie in bed until late morning in households that rise early - you fall in line with house norms. 

You should never ever insult the family you are about to join at any time and most definitely not in public. I gather you passed this off as a joke but the reaction in the pub was one of shock, not laughter. 

I have no idea whether you wrote to thank [your future sister-in-law] for the weekend but you should have hand-written a card to her. 

You should have hand-written a card to me. You have never written to thank me when you have stayed at Houndspool. 

[Your future sister-in-law] has quite the most exquisite manners of anyone I have ever come across. You would do well to follow her example. 

You regularly draw attention to yourself. Perhaps you should ask yourself why. 

It is tragic that you have diabetes. However, you aren't the only young person in the world who is a diabetic. 

I know quite a few young people who have this condition, one of whom is getting married in June. I have never heard her discuss her condition. 

She quietly gets on with it. She doesn't like being diabetic. Who would? You do not need to regale everyone with the details of your condition or use it as an excuse to draw attention to yourself. It is vulgar. 

As a diabetic of long standing you must be acutely aware of the need to prepare yourself for extraordinary eventualities, the walk to Mothecombe beach being an example. 

You are experienced enough to have prepared yourself appropriately. 

No-one gets married in a castle unless they own it. It is brash, celebrity style behaviour. 

I understand your parents are unable to contribute very much towards the cost of your wedding. (There is nothing wrong with that except that convention is such that one might presume they would have saved over the years for their daughters' marriages.) 

If this is the case, it would be most ladylike and gracious to lower your sights and have a modest wedding as befits both your incomes. 

One could be accused of thinking that Heidi Withers must be patting herself on the back for having caught a most eligible young man. I pity Freddie.

Ouch! 

I pity Freddie too.  His mother is an absolute monster!  

Need I even mention the irony of sending such a viciously worded email discussing manners?! I imagine you noted that already. 

Note to my future mother-in-law self: Never, ever rant in an email.  Only say in writing what you'd be happy to see on the evening news.